Honestly I'm rather impressed...

So last night I went to the Holiday Formal that Hanover High School hosts every year. I was not so shocked at the percentage of totally wasted chicks but was particularly impressed with one individual. She turned to me in the bathroom and asked if the flask she was keeping between her boobs was noticeable. I was a little confused as to why she was talking to me, since I had never met her before, but I assured her that no, she was totally in the clear (false). She looked in the mirror, bounced up and down a couple times, I guess to see if it would come out, and, satisfied with the results, turned back to me and said, "I have two more taped under here!" indicating her thighs. I was concerned, as she was ridiculously small and I don't really know why she would ever need THREE flasks but hey, I can't say I wasn't impressed by her resourcefulness. That girl was fo' serial. Keeps it classy.

Hot Tottie

My grandmother has been at my house for a few days now, and has a nasty cold. She's been making my mother concoct her something called a Hot Rum Tottie. I googled it, apparently it's a real thing! Yesterday was the first time she had my mom make her this drink, and I happened to come downstairs tonight just in time for her to request another. My mom takes a gob of BUTTER, puts it in a mug (after an argument over which cup she should make it in), and pours boiled water over it. She adds two shots of rum, then asks if she should put honey in like she had the night before. My grandmother has this way of talking that makes it sound like the completely rational thing you just said was actually an alien language. "NO???? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?????" She squeaks in her subtle German accent (she's squeaking because the cold has left her without a voice, yet she insists on talking constantly...it's kind of annoying...). So my mom brings her the drink, but she had taken the spoon out of the mug. Dear lord. The world is ending. My grandmother makes a fuss about this so my mom gives her the spoon and walks away. Or tries to. She gets about five steps before my grandmother squeaks, "THERE'S NO SUGAR IN THIS???" Of course my mom is completely frazzled. "Mumma! You said no honey! I asked if you-- oh forget it!" She grabs the sugar off the counter, stomps over, slams it on the table next to my grandmother and walks away. My grandmother just looks up at her with this bewildered puppydog face, and I just walked away laughing. My family is so ridiculous.

Really? Owls?

So apparently in India or something the poaching and illicit trade of OWLS has exploded. Thank you Harry Potter. Hey people! That WILD ANIMAL you have there is NOT magical, it will NOT carry messages, and it does NOT appreciate being in a tiny cage. Also that owl of yours is a HUNTER. What were you going to feed it? Seriously people, stop. You are muggles.

Glad you like your dogs, Lady...

There's a public nature trail that goes through a thin strip of woods next to my house, and when people go through I can see them from my kitchen. Today a woman walked past with her four labs (who has four labs???), none of which were on leashes. I had to call my dog, Calvin, inside so he wouldn't bother them, and as I did I noticed something. Each of the four dogs was wearing a bright orange vest. I was thinking, "Good for you, lady, keep your dogs safe during hunting season! I'm actually proud of you!" until I saw the woman herself. This woman had gone to all this trouble of keeping her dogs safe by outfitting them with their orange vests, but she was wearing brown pants and a tan coat. SERIOUSLY??? Glad you like your dogs, lady, but what's going to happen to them when YOU get shot?