my friend just tried to do a surprise trust fall and have me catch her... except i had an open hunting knife in my right hand... >_<

]U q????]. H?F?\?{??f?????J?Aa <<???is t/??ey $???y?<, ??sP?M ???y???????m/?A???LG??! ??F??.?????

]U ?1? f??o??,?????? ???r? ???e?<?&???9?-/????| J?A???? ??{8
???v d???n2H ?u ?? ??? ? ???;(???D?: ?r??oP ????y ?<?? w?^????? ?.??

First FAIL of 2011

This one hits a little closer to home, in that I am the idiotic subject of today's blog post. I wish I could lay the blame for this beautiful display of grace on some debilitating substance but alas, I was very much sober for this one. You know those little fence things people get to contain their children and pets? The house I was partying at last night for NYE had one that came right up to about my crotch level. There was a little gate in this fence that swung open if you pressed a button really hard and also kind of lifted it and pushed it and basically you had to just drop kick the thing open. I wanted a snack shortly after midnight so, instead of going through the stupid gate I gracefully leaped over the fence, no problem. I got my snack, I made a quick phone call, and then I returned to the living room. Or at least I tried. I had less room to hop over the fence from this side, and I guess I didn't get my leg quite high enough, because I hooked my right front foot on the gate, twisted around, smashed the back of my right thigh (how???), my left shin, and my right foot, ending up sprawled out on the floor in front of all my friends. There was an awkward moment of silence where everyone was trying to not laugh in case I was seriously hurt, but that vanished when one girl shouted, "FIRST EPIC FAIL OF 2011!!!!!".  Luckily, my body was less injured than my pride, and the night continued rather smoothly. I did awake to find a lovely purple monstrosity on the back of my leg, and a nicely swollen lump on my shin, but hey, who comes out of a NYE party in one piece anyway? 2011: Off to a good start!

Honestly I'm rather impressed...

So last night I went to the Holiday Formal that Hanover High School hosts every year. I was not so shocked at the percentage of totally wasted chicks but was particularly impressed with one individual. She turned to me in the bathroom and asked if the flask she was keeping between her boobs was noticeable. I was a little confused as to why she was talking to me, since I had never met her before, but I assured her that no, she was totally in the clear (false). She looked in the mirror, bounced up and down a couple times, I guess to see if it would come out, and, satisfied with the results, turned back to me and said, "I have two more taped under here!" indicating her thighs. I was concerned, as she was ridiculously small and I don't really know why she would ever need THREE flasks but hey, I can't say I wasn't impressed by her resourcefulness. That girl was fo' serial. Keeps it classy.

Hot Tottie

My grandmother has been at my house for a few days now, and has a nasty cold. She's been making my mother concoct her something called a Hot Rum Tottie. I googled it, apparently it's a real thing! Yesterday was the first time she had my mom make her this drink, and I happened to come downstairs tonight just in time for her to request another. My mom takes a gob of BUTTER, puts it in a mug (after an argument over which cup she should make it in), and pours boiled water over it. She adds two shots of rum, then asks if she should put honey in like she had the night before. My grandmother has this way of talking that makes it sound like the completely rational thing you just said was actually an alien language. "NO???? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?????" She squeaks in her subtle German accent (she's squeaking because the cold has left her without a voice, yet she insists on talking constantly...it's kind of annoying...). So my mom brings her the drink, but she had taken the spoon out of the mug. Dear lord. The world is ending. My grandmother makes a fuss about this so my mom gives her the spoon and walks away. Or tries to. She gets about five steps before my grandmother squeaks, "THERE'S NO SUGAR IN THIS???" Of course my mom is completely frazzled. "Mumma! You said no honey! I asked if you-- oh forget it!" She grabs the sugar off the counter, stomps over, slams it on the table next to my grandmother and walks away. My grandmother just looks up at her with this bewildered puppydog face, and I just walked away laughing. My family is so ridiculous.

Really? Owls?

So apparently in India or something the poaching and illicit trade of OWLS has exploded. Thank you Harry Potter. Hey people! That WILD ANIMAL you have there is NOT magical, it will NOT carry messages, and it does NOT appreciate being in a tiny cage. Also that owl of yours is a HUNTER. What were you going to feed it? Seriously people, stop. You are muggles.